little miracles

it's so easy to lament about life's fairness and hardships and forget the little miracles in life. now, there's one living right inside me! we talk about our baby quite a lot and we cannot for the life of us fathom how this little life is just growing right inside me. i mean, hey, we know how it came about but the fact that it's growing at an astonishing rate is just... amazing. sometimes i think about our little secret and i can't help smiling to myself... on one hand, it's a really personal thing. on the other, i can't wait to shout it out to the world - I'M a MOMMY!!! well, that has to wait... at least another 3 weeks or so.

just last week, i had a bad scare. went to the potty and saw blood when i wiped. the bells rang immediately - oh no... not again?!?! i really panicked. my hubby's out washing his car and my mum's around. ok, take it slowly... call the doc to fix an appointment... i called and they said i can come by now. just then, my hubby came back while i was on the line. i saw the look of heaviness on his face when he realised i was calling for an appointment. i can feel what he's feeling...

on the way to the doc, i was almost trembling and starting to tear. cannot focus except - am i miscarriaging again?? hubby tried to calm me down but i can sense his own fears. once at the doc's i cried when i told the doc. off to the ultrasound machine instantly. there, when we saw the baby and his heartbeat, tears of relief came swimming to me. i cannot express my relief enough... doc says it's unexplainable why a healthy pregnancy will bleed but gave me a hormone jab and told me to rest and monitor.

luckily, the bleeding stopped and i never felt happier. after this episode, i'm quite sure our baby's gonna make it this time. within a span of one week, it's grown almost 3x it's size!!! and it's growing it's little hands and legs... man, i can't wait for next week's appointment to see how much he's grown. i can't wait for the first trimester to be here so that i know i can finally rest easy!