it's so easy to lament about life's fairness and hardships and forget the little miracles in life. now, there's one living right inside me! we talk about our baby quite a lot and we cannot for the life of us fathom how this little life is just growing right inside me. i mean, hey, we know how it came about but the fact that it's growing at an astonishing rate is just... amazing. sometimes i think about our little secret and i can't help smiling to myself... on one hand, it's a really personal thing. on the other, i can't wait to shout it out to the world - I'M a MOMMY!!! well, that has to wait... at least another 3 weeks or so.
just last week, i had a bad scare. went to the potty and saw blood when i wiped. the bells rang immediately - oh no... not again?!?! i really panicked. my hubby's out washing his car and my mum's around. ok, take it slowly... call the doc to fix an appointment... i called and they said i can come by now. just then, my hubby came back while i was on the line. i saw the look of heaviness on his face when he realised i was calling for an appointment. i can feel what he's feeling...
on the way to the doc, i was almost trembling and starting to tear. cannot focus except - am i miscarriaging again?? hubby tried to calm me down but i can sense his own fears. once at the doc's i cried when i told the doc. off to the ultrasound machine instantly. there, when we saw the baby and his heartbeat, tears of relief came swimming to me. i cannot express my relief enough... doc says it's unexplainable why a healthy pregnancy will bleed but gave me a hormone jab and told me to rest and monitor.
luckily, the bleeding stopped and i never felt happier. after this episode, i'm quite sure our baby's gonna make it this time. within a span of one week, it's grown almost 3x it's size!!! and it's growing it's little hands and legs... man, i can't wait for next week's appointment to see how much he's grown. i can't wait for the first trimester to be here so that i know i can finally rest easy!
Monday, August 28, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
bop bop bop bop...
14th Aug
today's d-day. it's our much awaited gynae visit. the past 2 weeks have been rather torturous for us as we're clueless on how our bb has grown since.
the doc knew our anxiety and told us almost immediately that we should go to straight to the scan. my heart thumped nervously... when we saw the monitor, there was the sac! a much bigger one in fact. i nervously squinted my eyes to see if we can see the bb... and there it was! with the heartbeat blinking feverously... when i saw the heartbeat, i shed tears of relief... man, it was such an emotional moment. to know that my bb is growing and that nothing is wrong with it... i mean, nothing beats seeing the heartbeat pounding away, living right inside my womb... my hubby was excited too and he exclaimed how he can see it bopping fast...
the doc told us that the heartbeat looks strong and there is 95% that this will be an ok pregnancy. the feeling of relief just keep washing me over. we were so happy to see the picture of our bb, all 7.5mm of it.
bb, be strong. hang in there and we can't wait to see you in April!!!
today's d-day. it's our much awaited gynae visit. the past 2 weeks have been rather torturous for us as we're clueless on how our bb has grown since.
the doc knew our anxiety and told us almost immediately that we should go to straight to the scan. my heart thumped nervously... when we saw the monitor, there was the sac! a much bigger one in fact. i nervously squinted my eyes to see if we can see the bb... and there it was! with the heartbeat blinking feverously... when i saw the heartbeat, i shed tears of relief... man, it was such an emotional moment. to know that my bb is growing and that nothing is wrong with it... i mean, nothing beats seeing the heartbeat pounding away, living right inside my womb... my hubby was excited too and he exclaimed how he can see it bopping fast...
the doc told us that the heartbeat looks strong and there is 95% that this will be an ok pregnancy. the feeling of relief just keep washing me over. we were so happy to see the picture of our bb, all 7.5mm of it.
bb, be strong. hang in there and we can't wait to see you in April!!!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
nausea?
didn't sleep well yesterday night. woke up at 4am & 6am with bad stomach discomfort. couldn't tell if i was feeling nausea or just bad stomach ache... kept getting stomach "burns". man, if this is the start of "morning sickness" i'll be damned!
Monday, August 07, 2006
jitterbugs
i'm almost afraid of putting down this little journey lest i jinx it... yet with my failing memory, i ought to start putting down the little dates so that when i look back, it's not a blur. so what the heck? let this journey begin!
July 2006
been trying for a few months already (though i wouldn't say we've been really hardworking!) and it's starting to worry us. with the previous m/c hovering over us, we're wondering if we're ever gonna get pregnant!
did my calculations... i should be about 2 days late this month because the previous months i was early... counting down to the days when my menses is due.
24th July
today would be the day my menses is due to arrive if it's not late. somehow getting very anxious and still no sign of it yet. bugged my hubby and we both decided to buy a test kit to see if we're lucky! a faint positive line appeared! we're secretly thrilled but decided to wait it out and not get our hopes too high...
26th july
still no sign of menses so just had to try testing again! another faint positive line.... so am i or am i not??? deep down inside, i know i should be but i'm terrified of losing my happiness... we tried to act normal and see a gynae next week.
28th july
yes, another test kit. this time round, we bought clearblue - the trusted brand. i looked at the result, stared hard at it, showed it to my hubby and asked - it's a POSITIVE positive right??? my eyes are not playing tricks on me eh? yes, we're officially pregnant. i grinned, my hubby grinned. but let's go see the gynae before anything else ya?
30th july
i started spotting. slight brownish discharge when i wiped. i feel myself getting clammy... not again i hope! i told my hubby and he looked worried too. i know it's not a good sign and wanted to bring up my appointment earlier. it's anagonising...
31st july
felt faint... instead of brownish, i had red discharge. horrors! changed my gynae appt to tomorrow instead. fingers all crossed. took plenty of rest.
1st august
went to see doc. saw the tiny little sac and was relieved!!! so tiny but really really precious... but doc says sac measures about 4 1/2 wks old only instead of our calculated 5 wks... heart sank a bit cos the other time, sac didn't grow. doc said next appt in 2 wks and should be able to see the little heartbeat by then. really worrying.
2nd august
went to temple to pray today... had a good divination lot! really put me in a good mood. =)
3rd august
still slight brownish discharge... monitoring...
5th august
my dear old friend announced her pregnancy!!! so happy for her... hope mine's gonna be ok so that i can break the news after the first trimester!
7th august
started this blog. no spotting today!!! countdown to next week's appt!
July 2006
been trying for a few months already (though i wouldn't say we've been really hardworking!) and it's starting to worry us. with the previous m/c hovering over us, we're wondering if we're ever gonna get pregnant!
did my calculations... i should be about 2 days late this month because the previous months i was early... counting down to the days when my menses is due.
24th July
today would be the day my menses is due to arrive if it's not late. somehow getting very anxious and still no sign of it yet. bugged my hubby and we both decided to buy a test kit to see if we're lucky! a faint positive line appeared! we're secretly thrilled but decided to wait it out and not get our hopes too high...
26th july
still no sign of menses so just had to try testing again! another faint positive line.... so am i or am i not??? deep down inside, i know i should be but i'm terrified of losing my happiness... we tried to act normal and see a gynae next week.
28th july
yes, another test kit. this time round, we bought clearblue - the trusted brand. i looked at the result, stared hard at it, showed it to my hubby and asked - it's a POSITIVE positive right??? my eyes are not playing tricks on me eh? yes, we're officially pregnant. i grinned, my hubby grinned. but let's go see the gynae before anything else ya?
30th july
i started spotting. slight brownish discharge when i wiped. i feel myself getting clammy... not again i hope! i told my hubby and he looked worried too. i know it's not a good sign and wanted to bring up my appointment earlier. it's anagonising...
31st july
felt faint... instead of brownish, i had red discharge. horrors! changed my gynae appt to tomorrow instead. fingers all crossed. took plenty of rest.
1st august
went to see doc. saw the tiny little sac and was relieved!!! so tiny but really really precious... but doc says sac measures about 4 1/2 wks old only instead of our calculated 5 wks... heart sank a bit cos the other time, sac didn't grow. doc said next appt in 2 wks and should be able to see the little heartbeat by then. really worrying.
2nd august
went to temple to pray today... had a good divination lot! really put me in a good mood. =)
3rd august
still slight brownish discharge... monitoring...
5th august
my dear old friend announced her pregnancy!!! so happy for her... hope mine's gonna be ok so that i can break the news after the first trimester!
7th august
started this blog. no spotting today!!! countdown to next week's appt!
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